Posted 3:54 PM by Gobbler
Blog off the Starboard bow!
or: "Aharr, me old sea blog!"

Technical Bloblems

Its not my fault i have tried to correct the error my lovely blog nooooooo!!!!
I was in the bus station internet cafe hiding from the cold, writing out the epic novellla 'A Night Out At Oxford Station' which will be appearing in all good book stores soon, by Tinderstick Publications, price TBC when the punks in the shop started vacuuming and turning the lights off and things of that nature. I decided it was a hint that i should zip off, so i clicked on the publish button. The 'This page cannot be displayed' screen appeared (At this point i must stronlgy advise everyone to go to google, type in 'weapons of mass destruction' into the search line and click 'I'm feeling lucky'. Read the advisory carefully) and i thought 'well thats just blooming Marvellous, a hard worked blog lost forever and the publication of 'A Night Out At Oxford Station' delayed again, so i clicked 'back'. BHack i went and the blog was still there. i copied it then tried to publish again, but no joy. and again, and again. Eventually, as the lady in the shop started slapping me about the face screaming maniacally "get out of my shop you stupid çtourist person! Bloody foreigners!!" i saved the blog on hotmail and ran from the shop, to cry in the corner of the station nursing a bruised Physiog. And the bus was still three and a half hours away.

Next day i discover that all those times i presses publish it did publish them, but somethings gone wrong cos now, try as i might, i cant remove them. Techical Rachelly, if you could lend your brilliance to this problem i will personally bring you back a jar of Peru's finest 'Fanny' Strawberry Jam.

Boating!

I got on that boat. It was a comfortable creature. We, the insane dutch ladies and i, (who have informed me that i am now their 'English Pet' and must behave myself) conceived plans before hand of radical plans to avoid death in case of the ship sinking and the boat not having enough lifeboats and we the 'c' class people getting locked below decks Titanic style. We took one rubber ring, of standard, inflatable, pink or blue, swimming pool issue, large enough to be worn over clothing, and attachede to the front of it an orange rubber duck. Orange rubber ducks are all the rage in holland currently i have been assured, and a must have for all newly manufactured aquatic safely devices. However, to temper this populist, fashion concious move, we went for something a little tradtional: clogs. A big pair of clogs. Now, clogs are made of wood thus affording the wearer the ability to walk on water, very handy when one is trying to avoid the accurrance of drowning when one finds oneslef, of an evening, without a deck above deck, as it were, to stand on. And not a little bit jesus like, which is always nice to avoid the religious punters and may be useful as a marketing tool: "Look, this is how Jesus did it. he was our very first custmoer. now youj can be jesus too!" Of course, unpracticed non-dutch wearers may slip over, and therefore it isa imporatnt to wear your rubber duck apparatus. The final piece of essential equipment of course is an umbrella. Why, yoiu ask? Well, credit to you for understanding the need to avoid drowning. i feel thatse been adequatuely covered by the existing devices, but what about the rain? it seems a shame to get wet after all the otehr precautions. There you have it. dutch safety measures in a glass.

Room 101

MAking my way to bed 1 of room 101 i was a little offput. Being somewhat special i have read 1984, moreover becasue i had of course bought the cheapest possible ticket, i enetered the cabin without great hopes for luxury, but it was more than adequate and in fairness one of the finest beds i have had to date, with i nice thinck curtain to draw across my bed to protect me from all the nasty people outside, especially the Belgians... The ship sported an outside deck area with a giant chess board, of which more later, a bar and the dining hall. Perfectly adequate. Plus, and heres the really great news that i have for you before i must leave the unwritten stories, entitled below, for another time as i have promised to get to dinner at nine, I was by now fully equipped with a thick sweater, gloves, hat, and three pairs of wooly socks. Wow. I approached the elements witha reckless confidence. No ice-berg-ridden-polar-region-esque part of then world was going to freeze me, no siree. Finding tomato and cucumber, i went on deck and watched Puerto Montt drift out of a spectacular view.

I must go. titles below indicate planned tales of the boating trip. Anyone want to write them for me please feel free. Consider them essay titles with the suffix "Discuss.". Got to go now, tlak backs soon, sorry and all. Tomorrow I'm off to the Torres Del Paine national park and will be offline for three or four days. Hope everyone out there is doing grand. Your Old Blogger, Nick

The Chess Deck Or: My Big Fat Greek Opponent

101 boating games. No.1: Spot The Belgians

Would anybody care for a game of bridge?

You Are Stupid. Read The Economist

Holland is B.I.N.G.O. mad

Sing along with uncle nick. Or: English Folk Songs For Foreigners

Posted 7:26 AM by Gobbler
The Blog of an Idiot. Sunday 10:00pm local time

Its amazing i'm still alive. Given the lengths to which my mind sometimes goes to be completely stupid the odds on me being dead by now must have been fairly high. Anyone who struggles to read a sign, and a ticket must struggle in other more critical areas too. Well, amazingly i am still here. In the bus station. The bus came, picked up passengers and left again. I was not on it.

There is a simple reason for this. It left at the advertised time of 9:15 and not the nick goulden edited time of 9:30, and byu the time i rolled up at 9:25 it was all over. Importantly, it might still all work out marvellously.

The next bus leaves at 3:10 in the morning. Not the most sociable time in anybody's book, but it will deliver me to Puerto Montt, primary target, at 6:30. I should still be able to get that boat. Assuming my reservation went through or they still have beds left...

Just been browsing through the web, passing the time. Theres no point in getting a bed for the night. Later, when this place closes, I'll sit in the corner and pretend that I'm on the bus, and rock back and forth to myself.

Kat: Jinks indeed. we seem to have escaped each other today though. SAntiago bus station was very nice. Due to the steak and fine wine i didnt get to see any more of it. such is life. Tulsa Hilton: MY TIME WILL NOT COME!! IM NEVER COMING HOME! I'LL BECOME A SHEEP FARMER ON THE FALKLANDS!!

Monday 10th November. Half 12 pm local time ALL A-BLOG! Or: ICEBLOG RIGHT AHEAD!

I couldnt post that last night for some reason, so its here now instead. In Puerto Montt. Arrived at half six and made my way to the port via a rip off taxi ride. Had to wait until nine for the ticket office to open, still unsure as to whether my reservation had been made and a bed awaiting me.

I was awoken at five to nine by the two dutchies of the vegetable game fame, back in Uyuni and the Salt Flats of Bolivia. They had made their way down through chile and now here they are for the boat. Grilled Tomato and Sliced Cucumber, or Henrietta and Melanie. Being dutch it was no surprise to me to discover that they are both quite insane. however, they seem quite hbappy with situation and so why spoil it? They looked after my stuff as i went for teh ticket.

There was already a queue when i got there, even though the office is not open until nine. there were two italian girls in front of me. i heard the conversation. it went along the lines of this:
i-talian girls: hi weve got a reservation, booked on the internet.
girl: names please... Youre not on the system. can i have your confirmation please.
i-talian girls: we didnt receive one.
girl: Oh... im sorry theres nothing i can do. there are no 'c' class berths left. only cabins.
((I should point out that while the berths are an expensive 285 dollars, cabins are over one thousand. I began to quiver nervously, the i-talian girls didnt look too happy either))
girl: that will be 700 dollars. ((not sure whether or not that was each, but either way significantly more))
i-talian girls: (ithithithithithi'll set my godfather on you, foul being! and then you'll be sorryith ithithith) there are some things money cant buy. for everything else theres mastercard.

I went up not looking too chirpy and not feeling too hopeful. the thought of paying 700 dollars for a four day trip did not fill me with joy, still less the prospect of getting no place at all. I cant afford to afford 700 dollars. my turn next. Similar conversation to the above, with me replacing i-talian girls. Until the conversation got to 'name please'. I hand over my passport. Then i get "ah yes mr. Goulden, i have your reservation. 275 dollars please." Now thats nice to see. i even got a 10 dollar reduction on the advertised price, undoubtedly because i am very special. Would have been even more with a student card. So now everything's dunky hory and ive even found a place to buy warm clothes. The usual alpaca tosh at much higher prices than in peru and bolivia but thats what you get for being allergic to shopping but not immune to the cold.

I draw this chapter of the great blog (used in the sense of 'large' or 'large', a bit like 'Great Britain'. people the world over seem to think its called that because we, the britons, think were pretty bloody great. now, we are of course, but thats not why Wales, Scotland and England is called Great Britain. Its because one day a long time ago the britons only had a little bit of the land, somewhere down in the south west i think. then, the next day, or some time later at any rate, they controlled the whole lot. Because this new area of land was bigger, or greater, than what they had before, they called it Great Britain. Now thats great news. at least as far as i know.

I'll finish off the tbs when i can. better not miss the boat, that would be extremely thick. Bon Voyage all you land-locked punks!

Posted 5:25 PM by Gobbler
Wibble

Posted 3:43 PM by Gobbler
An Unexpected Blog

Didnt think id get this chance to blog. im in a town i heard of for the first time this morning, Valdivia, a little north of puerto montt, and with luck the clocks havent changed and i wont have missed my connecting bus to Puerto Montt. Then i'll get on the boat and go a-sailing. i still havent quite managed to buy myself a jumper or wooly hat or socks or gloves etc, so i may die of exposure on the boat. ahaaarr, the joys of travelling.

Valdivia is a nice joint. Full of old German immigrants apparently, lending the architecture a peculiar slant. hoho. The journey down here has so far taken 22 hours with about another 4 to go i guess, and i should get in some time in the small hours tonight. A very beautiful journey, and not much of note to report beyond that. Of more importance is the steak i had last night. hte last steak before the big off. what a beast it was. I have yet to measure it in inches or centimetres, but i did mark its height on a piece of paper. if you take the left hand edge of your 'z' key to the right hand edge of the 'v' key, thats how thick it was. All washed down with some fine wine naturally. but enough about steaks.

I'm on my way once more, and find myself friendless again. The last punters were bade goodbye last night and I'm not scheduled to meet anyone until Buenos Aires on the 29th november where an old Thailand matey (from back in the day) should be turning up. Also I'm not sure how much blog time i'll get for the next couple of weeks as I'll be on a boat and then hiking some of the cold places of ther world. then the falkland isalnds where legend has it internet is ten of the queens punds every hour. and that is surely grim business and not well suited to my budget. not at all.

but icant think of anything else much to say, the old brain is a bit zogged after the days bus. i'll get some eat i think and maybe blog a bit tomorrow mornig before the great boatage begins. not a sniff of a train in weeks but boats arent bad things. And after Tracy I havent met anyone to have such an academic debate with. But it does remind me a bit of the guy who i met in vegas from oh arse where was it now. Vermont? I think it had a v in it. Ah no it was Wisconsin. Well 'w''s are a bit like v's. Anyway, over a couple of hundred games of blackjack the topic of George W. came up. I have since learnt that it is not the done thing to talk politics in much of the usa. Why does that not surprise me. Anyway, heres me, young britsh fella-me-lad, interested in the political opinions of mr. joe bloggs. usa style viz a vis the president. He said he supported him. This was a new one on me as i had been touring the largely democrat west coast, especially t'up north, so i asked why. "Well, hes a Republican, and hes strong willed." (presumably this can be translated as he is good at splatting towell-heads and other unmentionables very often of a funny colour. His strong will does not stretch too far along the 'being environmental' line for example. but let us not go on) I was just thinking, given those two prerequisite criteria that mr wisconsin was stating, that there were a few figures in history (illiberal, right wing, strong willed) who he would be similarly keen to vote for. I decided not to push that line. Making a grown man cry, or, more likely, shoot me in the MGM Grand Las Vegas would not have done at all.

Evil uncle: Actually i did. Her daddy is in the employ of Elstree School. I expect gypsies to gather for the start of spring term... Vinny boy: Vinny!!!! Good work soldier! Hows it all going in oxford? I remember toms runs. i always thought it was a chance for him to get out of school and get a couple of pints in down the rowbarge. then i joined him once and i was in for a real shock... not sure ive got youre address. please e it me for forthwith postcard. Hockey Rich: i was ratehr hoping that in the quartering process your head was split down the middle. oh well. Laura: well quite. but then again remember that if those foreign people walk up and down the hill then normal law abidin citizens might see them, and with walking upo and down the hill and being foreign and such they might be smelly. Kat: So whats the original description? A thorough rogering makes you smile?

yes of the talkbacks later. Laters, punks.