Posted 9:44 PM by Gobbler
Dont forget to Blog

Sorry all, been frightfully busy on the emails today, and cant be blogged. just to say hello to all you mad punks out there. i am alive, i am fairly well, though half my face is falling off after getting crisped up nicely on the inca trail. i may be going to puno tomorrow on nice tourist train damn funny. there again i may not. oh, the possibilities. you just gotta keep pressing and guessing, its the ready money round. talk backs tomorrow, and the rest. yeah, you heard me punks. although, i must admit that most of your are not punks but fine and upstanding members of the community. well done. except of course for that old punk punky McPunkoid who will always be a punk. what a punk.

Posted 10:39 PM by Gobbler
The Inca Blog goes on
Or: Friends, welcome friends, to Inca Trail, friends.

So, the third day had the most beautiful walk of the trip, along the glorious peaks of the peruvian andes. splendid. that night we discovered that the guide, who was largely incomprehensible and is a subject to which i will shortly return, was not joking whe he said theat the camp had a bar (a subject about which we walkers had been joking the previous days) and we proceeded to put a few away. We only had a couple of hours walking the next day. At a little past 11 we were all tucked up.

Waking up at four in the morning was a bit dirty, and the walk beginning at a little after five would have been more appreciable with more sleep and less hangover, but still very pleasant. the last pass was surmounted and below us lay macchu picchu, glorious and majestic in the morning mist. The three hundred or so other walkers and i made the last few hundred metres down to the city to meet the thousand or so other tourists being bussed in. There followed an almost informative tour of the ruins, spoiled only byu the fact that i knew all the things the guide was saying was conjecture, much of it hotly debated and the subject of numerous different theories, and some of it plainly wrong.

A little history lesson now. readers should note that most of what i am about to say i learnt at uni and not while here in peru. id go so far as to say that i know more than a lot of the guides about the history of the incas so if you ever go, print this off and take it with you to peru. i am, after all, R.V.V.C.. Francisco Pisarro, spanish conquistador, lands in northern peru in 1531 with 300 or so conquistadores. European diseases quickly spread, wiping out considerable percentages of the population. (in peru about 30% i think) In 1533 he gets to Cusco (south east peru), captures the inca king Atahualpa, (who has just won a bloody and weakening civil war against his half brother) gets paid a huge ransom, (one room of gold and two of silver) then kills Atahualpa. Atahualpa (before he is killed obviously) is a bit confused as the Inca religion suggested to him that pisarro might be god come again; this allowed pisarro to get easy access to both cusco and the Inca king. Incas get pissed off, attack Pisarro in Cusco but are bloodily defeated, and Inca Empire falls. Uprising in 1536 is similarly bloodily defeated. Spanish know nothing of the existence of Macchu Picchu, which is discovered by an American archaeologist from Yale in 1911. Incas have no written language, Spaniards, in the process of Catholicising the indigenous population eradicate much of the evidence and knowledge of the previous civilisations. Thus all the knowledge of the incas and specifically Macchu Picchu, right down to how they carved the stones, (one theory, i kid you not, by i think an italian archaeologist, sways that they incas used lasers to cut the stones...) is entirely the product of Academic study and thus subject to academic conjecture and debate. i.e. there are numerous theories. Maybe M.P. was built after the spanish conquered peru as a king of inca hideaway, maybe before the spanish came (most likely). maybe it was pre inca. Maybe it was a religious site (most likely. Inca religion - probably - devides the universe into three areas. The underworld, represented by the serpent, thisx world, represented by the puma, and the sky, or heaven, represented by the condor. They probably also worshipped the sun, moon, water and earth (pacha mama) omong others as gods. There is good evidence of shrines to all of these things in Macchu Picchu) but perhaps it was, as hockey rich has mentioned, a resort for the inca aristocracy replete with sauna and gym and harem. Possibly it was some kind of military installation but this is unlikely as there are no constructed defenses. Furthermore, noone knows why or when it was abandoned. It may have been already abandoned before the spanish turned up, but this is unlikely as the retreating incas went to some trouble to destroy the path and conceal the route to macchu picchu; there would have been no point in doing this if it wasnt still in use. Most probably Macchu Picchu was abandoned after the conquest as the inca religion and influence waned.

Well, despite the disperate theories, it was fascinating to walk round such an extraordinary place. we were lucky enough to change guides for the tour around macchu picchu itself. our trail guide's english was worse than my spanish, no mean feat. For an example i will reenact the speech he gave usm on the first day of walking. all along th trail there are numerous ruins of one description or another. Atop a hill we looked down at one such ruin. Our guide, Stevie Wonder (unlike his namesake our guide could see, which was a benefit), gathered us around for an explanation of what we were seeing.
(In a barely comprehensible accent)
"Friends. Welcomes, friends, to Afjañkfni ruins. Friends, Inca Peoples, in cusco, build this place. Inca Trail, friends, is close to this place. Inca trail is from cusco to macchu picchu. is build by inca peoples, friends. but friends, not only inca trail. inca peoples have many trails in empire. but friends, this trail is go to macchu picchu, is tourist trail. Friends, this city you see here, (pointing to ruins below of the incomprehensible name above) is many terrorists. (yep, he said terrorists) Friends, many terrorists of this place. you see, friends, down there, you see many terrorcists (yep, he said terrorcists). Many terrorcist terrorists. (at this point i click that by 'terrorcist' he means 'terrace' and by 'terrorists' he means 'theories'. My companions, most of whom are not english, are not so lucky as to work out what he is trying to say. indeed, many of them are still struggling to understand any word other than 'friends'. luckily it is stevies favourite word.) Some peoples they say is pre-inca, some peoples they say is inca. but, friends, is agricultural. for the agriculture. friends, Inca Trail here no is original. is reconstruction. Any questions friends?" - a brave lad pipes up - "What was this city used for? was it military?" "Friends, this city is Inca city close to inca trail. you see inca trail down there. Is from Cusco to Macchu Picchu. Is reconstruction. But many terrorists about here. Spanish conquist, Inca Peoples in Cusco. Ok, friends, we go now, on inca trail, to macchu picchu, friends." This is how most of the explanations generally went. i have omitted the utterly incomprehensible parts of his speech, and these parts comprised a large part of what he said. Every speech he made began with 'friends' except for one memorable occasion on the third day when he began with 'Amigos'. In truth i think he did know a fair bit but he was incapable of getting the information across. Friends.

The truth about Macchu Picchu is far different. Paul, Ben and I worked out the truth, our own little terrorist, while at Macchu Picchu. In fact, the truth of macchu involves a combination of factors really. Dinosaurs, aliens, and Belgium.

Belgium is actually a spaceship. The dinosaurs, who are aliens, came to earth from an unknown star system along time ago in a galaxy far far away, in their spaceship, which is what we know as Belgium. (clever!) They wanted to find a place where they could practice their spanish and somewhere lovely and pretty, so they came to macchu picchu. They fashioned the rocks with their gnashers (oh, by the way, we're talking about flying dinosaurs here, obviously) and they got the locals to pitch in too. The terraces are actually seats where the dinosaur aliens could sit and chat and watch the world go by, and, for the young ones, practice their take offs. There is also a macdonalds in the middle of the mountain but thisa hasnt been discovered yet. The macdonalds is accessible only via the lift which goes down through the rock to the undergound monorail which tro this day connects macchu picchu with belgium. Sometimes at night you can see mysterious belgians walking around macchu picchu. they come on the monorail. Belgians are a tricksy bunch. everybody thinks that all they do is make chocolates and get invaded every now and again (e.g. can you name a fdamous belgian other than hercule poirot?) but in fact they practically rule the world, and in any case their country is actually one huge spaceship. Its extraordinary to think, but if you think about it the evidence is plain to see.

Laura: Tripe. Right. Good stuuf to be honest. No, actually to be honest its not my favourite bit of vaca. but nice to know that it isnt anything worse i s'pose. Yeah, thought it would be amusing to put that message right at the end. well, keeps me entertained, hee hee! Snot-ridden eh? I heard on the grapevine its a little chilly in blighty at the mo. what you need is a trip to the tropics. then you can verify my belgian insurgency terrortist. Evil Uncle: didnt wait around to see what kind of a mess might have been made of bobble and ran directly for the hills. Mountains in fact, where it was always unlikely bobble or any bobble bi-product would find me. Rectum rectified. el capitan: hail supremo. next stop bolivia if polit sit allows. As for descarte arguement, who indeed are you to judge? Oh, going to puno and lake titicaca in a day or two. The_Bro: sticking to the pizzas from now on. They mey be ten times the price, but theres no type of tripe anyuwhere, which is far more train like you will agree. Havent mentioned it yet but i absolutely loved the train. Damn funny, all that going forwards and backwards into cusco. what a treat, especially as i remembered you talking about it and so was able to sound all clever when my fellow punks wondered what the dickens was going on with the train going back and forth. agandalf. Salamander. I dont know you. But you... I never forget a face... Mr.... Punkoid. Hockey Rich: basically, went to guatemala, learnt spanish, met an esplendid and nice to see hit of the whole fruit Swedish number, convinced her to be my personal slave and admirer, a work of which the chairman himself would be proud, then went to peru, sat in a restaurant in lima, flew around some lines in nazca, and trailed the incas in cusco, where i am now. Amazing to think that it is possible to compact about 10,000 words into 100, but there you have it. And, furthermore, when i met you i was but a learner. now i am the blogger.

Posted 7:22 PM by Gobbler
Damn Funny, Like A, Like A Blog... In The Distance
Or: The Inca Blogs part Two
Or: Friends, welcome. Friends, in Inca Time, Friends, Blog

before i go on to explain to the world the extraordinary new terrorist about the true origins of Macchu Picchu and its startling connection with Belgium, i have something else to say. so youll just have to wait.

as i mentioned once before, sometimes when i go to the blog i check out, one might say 'case' other peoples blogspots to see what the worlds bloggers are up to. today i have hit the jackpot, i have found a beauty. I'm not going to say that i exactly recommend it, but http://www.effervescence24.blogspot.com/ really is a bit of a corker. Basically its all about God and the big JC, things that are AWESOME!!!, lots, in fact a superabundance of exclamation marks, people with whom the author can share his deepest secrets (and then publish them on the blog for snooping bloggers like myself to read). A fine example follows: (and i hope no copyright (or copywrite) laws exist making this illegal)

**********
i LOVE IT! It's called "Now Behold the Lamb" It goes:

Now Behold the Lamb
The Precious Lamb of God
Why You loved me so, Lord I shall never know
The Precious Lamb of God.

(then it has a verse)

Now Behold the Lamb
The Precious Lamb of God
Born into sin, that I may live again,
The Precious Lamb of God.

It is one of the BEST songs i have ever heard! It is an up-beat song, that has a guy and a girl and a choir singing it, it's AWESOME!
****************

I have my doubts about the veracity of the above claim of the blogger. But as i havent heard the tune i cant be certain. Now, what i particularly like about this extract is the innovative use of capital letters, adjectives and exclamation marks. This piece demonstrates an appalling lack of linguistic acumen which i imagine, and is popularly imagined to be in the uk and elsewhere, prevalent in the usa. Rules of writing usa style, should anyone care to adopt this alternative usage of the english language, are as follows:

1) If something is exciting, wonderful, fascinating, splendid, extraordinary, unsurpassable, resplendent, stimulating, scintillating, amazing etc, it is 'awesome'. If it is very 'awesome' it is AWESOME!.
2) The same applies to any other word. If you feel particularly strong about something, dont look for an appropriate linguistic device (word), just say it bigger and louder. For example: 'you have GREAT advice', 'I am SO GLAD', 'I mean...REALLY worship'. This method is simpler and more fun than actually learning the english language.
3) Exclamation marks should be used everywhere! This makes what you say more important! AND more FUN!!
4) Sentences need NO coherent stucture!..."...'s" should be liberally embraced...when you cant think of an appropriate word and no number of capital letters or exclamation marks can save you just...its just SO easy!!!

I only wonder what has happened to all the 'likes' that usually fill american sentences. Possibly 'like' is most popular on the west coast esp around california, while this cat is from somewhere else altogether more awesome, possibly UTAH, where Salt Lake City and the wacky world of the Mormons is based. - "these borin mormons, they don' have hormones" -

i particularly like the july 23 entry. the poem, handed down by god (see dan he does exist!), apparently, goes on a bit and i cant help thinking that god, who one imagines would be fairly sharp when it comes to poetry, was having an off day with this particular number. I wont repeat any of it here.

Continuing my investigation i took the liberty of following one of the links to see what 'Erin', a girl this lad (Barrett) often goes on about, has to say for herself. Much the same i am sorry to say. She likes poetry too, and things that are 'AWESOME!' and if anything uses more exclamation marks. I quote only a small part of her blog:
"This goes out to my best friend. I would write a poem about you, but I feel like a poem would be too short to express some things." Now tell me, why cant she write a long poem? Barrett seems to manage. Well, it seems that we may never have all the answers.

Enough of this unprovoked tirade against innocent and REALLY HAPPY blogging folk from the States.

Macchu Picchu. Since those days of old when i sat in Mrs Stackhouse's class at the tender age of about 8, learning outrageously unscholarly things about the Incas, i have wanted to walk the inca trail and Macchu Picchu it. Now that i have finally done it i am a bit annoyed that i can no longer look forward to doing it. I am considering visiting the hardware store, purchasing a hammer or a similar heavy implement (the sort of thing i used to buy my dad for christmas, after a completely futile attempt to think of something else to get him; everybody needs more screwdrivers, and my wallet and imagination stretched no further when i was 6) and apply it forcefully to my skull (much as i used toi do when i was little as i liked the noise and the feeling until it started to hurt - didnt takre long - and then i cried) in an attempt to induce a bout of amnesia; I will then do the trail for the first time again.

Let me briefly describe the itinerary. I got up at some sick hour of the morning, 6:45, and took the 82km bus ride from cusco to our starting point on the trail. This was i think at about 2800 metres. The trail, over four days took us through two mountain passes the highest of which was 4200 metres and will be described in its place. There were ten in the group, two of whom will interrupt this blog effort in twenty minutes as i meet them for a drink. The terrain climate around macchu picchu is tropical and thus heavily forrested, but at the start of the trail, on the other side of the mountains, the precipitaition is markedly less and there is a far more deserty climate, with cacti and things like that. No tumbleweed or duststorms, some pretty flowers, and look pal you get the picture. Cacti and stuff like that.

The first day passed smoothly. The second day is well known for being grim as you climb 1300 metres or so along a fairly steep path. this is not so bad in itself, but above 3500 metres the air gets sufficiently thin so as to induce altitude sickness. One git from Austria, a forty year old guy called Ricardo, romped up to the top in about three hours. I got to the top about an hour later. The last few hundred yards were particularly grim. Those nice Inca Peoples did build a fine path that i dare say the romans would have not been too unimpressed with, but a combination of the gradient, lack of oxygen, and the long climb beforehand meant that the last few steps took incredibly long to take. Once there, the views were stunning. Lots of big green mountains, the biggest ones with snow on. Big and steep. AWESOME! These mountains are quite unlike other ranges such as the Alps. It would be painstakingly difficult to explain exactly how, so we'll leave it at 'big green mountians'. The campsit that night was at 3500 metres and as such was a trifle chilly. I hadnt brought much clothing with me, but as it turned out judged it about perfectly. Two tshirts and a fleece, my 'trek towel' (dont know why i brought it i never intended to wash on the trail) converted to a makeshift scarve (very fetching) and my rubbish hat (bought at no expense in Bali, the best of a bad situation. I suppose it is encouraging in a way that, thus far, one of the low points on this trip was losing my old jungle hat inexplicably in Koh Tao. If thats the worst that happens i cant complain) pulled down tightly over my head. I was quite snug in fairness. (Cold Shmold;).

For me, the highlight of the trip came on the third day. After a quick climb to the second pass (3900m) at the start of the day, the afternoons walk took us along a path high up in the mountains, following the contours of the terrain. At about 3700m, this path, four feet wide, built into the rock, with jungle all around, was gorgeous and unforgettable. Good lads the incas.

Then we went to macchu picchu and that werent bad neither, but full of touristy types and bloody hot. Friends, i still have yet to explain to you the new terrorists about the inca peoples, friends, but i have once more run out of time and must leave you thinking of the belgians and the undergound monorail and dinosaurs and aliens, friends. and of course trains. Agandalf, we could go through the blogs of Moria. My cousin Blogin will give us a Right... Royal... Welcome.

Posted 10:14 PM by Gobbler
The Inca Blogs Part 1

Returned alive from four days of inca trail action. have to leave this intriguing tale until tomorrow as time is pressing just at present.

the trailer: friends, welcome friends, to inca trail macchu picchu, friends. friends, inca trail from cusco to macchu picchu, friends, is reconstruction. many terrorists about reason for construction, friends, many terrorists about terracists also friends. here is inca city. is reconstruction, friends. we go, friends.

took the train. was most train like. like a like a train. now in the distance.

and so til then, your humble blogger remains,
perchance,

a bit of a punk