Posted 8:51 PM by Gobbler
Livin' on my Blog

Some Queen song, "Livin' on my own" has just come on the radio. Splendid. Now it has gone off and some foreign rubbish that i cant begin to compehend has come on. disappointing.

Today ws the day that the 'city tour' occured. The highlight of this trip was not the cathedral, or the labrynth or sexywoman (or whatever th punks call it, done it before with peruvian mateys but i just love those ruins so went twice) or indeed one of the other attractions. It was Bobble.

'Bobble', as I have elected to call the strange gentleman from Istanbul who joined us on our little tour, was not blessed, by the good Lord above who decides such things, with good looks. And his clearly hyperactive eating condition has not redressed the imbalance. That is to say, he is a bit of a porker, somewhat rotund, horizontally proficient, lardy, athletically restrained, famine-protected, starvation-proof, nutritionally-insured, fat. He wasnt called Bobble, well if he is then it is pure chance that i know it as i never took the time to find out, was a most amusing looking fellow. A considerable camera with associated apparatus rested on his, as we have said, sizeable belly. His chins protruted from his colourful wooly jumper and one or other of them stood in for his chin which was peculiarly absent. Teeth, uniformly obelisk like in shape, protruded in random directions from a round mouth that looked as though it had done its fair share of dribbling. Small round eyes only about an inch apart from one another, could be spotted nestling between bulbous cheeks and haphazard eyebrows which independently jigged up and down, and occasionally and incredibly, sideways, with a frequency that is only exceeded, to my knowledge, (although it must be remembered that there are many eyebrow sporters that i have not had the chance to study) by the great and unstoppable eyebrow wobbler herself, Jim (i have taken the liberty of assigning 'jim' a seudonym in order to protect her identity, and also because she, not wthout fair reason, may not take it too kindly), my former partner in the heady days of a period that to protect the identity of jim i cannot now divulge. You must remember this girl, for surely i have mentioned her. She could wobble for britain if any misguided beaurocrat ever granted her citizenship, and instead spends her time wobbling for her country that for the sake of the protection of the identityt of jim i cannot divulge, we'll call it the isle of jimminy;). There is little they of the isle of jimminy can do to stop this as she was born there, and she is very good at it. A charming girl on the whole I must say and some entirely pleasant weeks were spent with her around, including the splendid trip to another place that i cant elucidate, call it ostleton. Jim, if youre reading this, hello there! How do you do it? Dont take it personally dear, its all in the name of jolly old jesting. I often thought, and let it be known that i spent considerable time ruminating on this one, that there was something not quite natural about jim's brows. On numerous occassions did she turn to me, smile and then, bang! Off went the eyebrows. Up and down up and down like some cheeky cartoon character. And, as with cartoon characters where the eyebrows detach from the head and move up and down six inches, the distance covered by jims eyebrows across her forehead from the completion of the up movement to the completion of the down movement was not only truly something to behold, but also seemingly impossible unless somehow her brows had the supernatural ability to uproot and go wondering around her forehead. So, whenever she turned to me and smiled (which at one point she was doing with disturbing regularity) I steeled myself for the inevitable disturbing visual spectacle presently to occur. Off they went, and long after any reasonable person had brought them to rest, still they went on accompanied by the maniacle grin (it wouldnt ordinarily appear maniacle but coupled with the brow
maneuveures it assumed that appearence), and even after the grin had receeded a little still the eyebrows went on as if under their own steam and of their own accord. By the end i had to look away.

Where were we? Ah yes. Bobbles eyebrows were intriguing. All these various features or lack of them were housed in a face that was itself almost perfectly round. But to complete the picture we need to include the final and vital ingredient: a bobble-hat protecting bobbles head from the perils of the elements. Bobble was one of the most amusing fellows i have ever met. He was continuously high spirited and, when he wasnt speaking or trying to stop himslef from dribbling, constantly smiling, which made his face even more peculiar as his teeth could be seen in all their disorganised glory (he being one of those fellows who smiles open mouthed, which also exacerbates his dribbling problems. Often he would contribute to whatever conversation was going on. rarely would what he said be relevant to the conversation but so happy he seemed in speaking that noone minded much. He also continuously wondered off away from the tour group, presumably to make use of the aforementioned photographical equipment. Again, no-one minded much because he always seemed to reappear in the end and wsa very happily occupied in what he was doing. Furthermore, he was excessively excited abou the wooly jumper (technically not wooly i suppose but llama-y, made from llama you know) he had bought in a market in lima (only 50 soles. only 50 soles! he he he. do you know what that means! a good value! he he). Like i say, Bobble was a very jolly fellow and the day, at least for me, profited by his participation.

I dont know what it is about bobble hats, but they have the remarkable ability of making everybody, from einstein to Bobble to me look like bumbling simpletons. You cannot be taken seriously in a bobble hat. "I know", said the man who invented bobble hats, and i should say that i strongly suspect him of being either norwegian or danish or austrian "i'll take a perfectly normal wooly hat and stick a blob of wool on the top of my hats, and, i know, i'll call it a 'bobble'. That's a good idea. Everyone will look really sensible in them and fashionable too." You are neither of these things in a bobble hat, you just look silly. But people wear them all the sodding time. Not only bobble has them. Due to the loving attention of my mother and possibly others, i've got about three! And i wear them! I just cant quite fathom it all. really theres nothing wrong with a good old fashioned straw hat or, if something sturdier is required, a pith helmet. bobble hats, for pities sake, why?

Quickly i must apologise for the inaccurate reporting yesterday about the people hammering ashes into ashes and dust into dust with very large hammers outside my bedroom door. The racket has stopped now. After careful investigation today i discovered, after a brief search, that they have built a small flight of stairs and erected a small wall. Ah.

Oh, and i'll be off for a while as i embark for the inca trail in 7 hours. Which reminds me, i should go home and pack and get some sleep. This, people, is a trip i have looked forward to since i first did the incas in school about 15 years ago. And, if tikal is anything to go by, you can expect to hear precisely zip about it. What a world.

And, i'll be taking a train back from macchu picchu. Which is damn funny, like a like a train.

Oh, And, as this is the last blog for three or four days, i strongly advise reading this blog in sections so that you dont spend it all at once.

No talk backs as none of you low down and worthless and sahmeless and foolish and punklike and punkoidical and punkazoid (a punk shaped punk) punkoid punks have left any. Punks.

Posted 6:33 PM by Gobbler
oh, nearly forgot. Lovelybubbly: simply spiffingly splendid seing such superabundant supplies, some silly simpletons say splurges, of s's Esplendido. I trust france is behaving itself. ive got a picture of fusteins on the cover of my diary that dad gave me before i left so i can see where you are. your bedroom window is in a funny place! Dont work too hard when you get back. nick

Posted 4:31 PM by Gobbler
Groungblog Day

Today has been somewhat similar to yesterday which was also somewhat similar to the day before that. Hence groundblog day. Clever. Well, not quite. perhaps i am just running out of titles. dan, may have to call upon you for further assistance.

The reason for my troublemaking stomach can probably be put down to the fact that ive been eating seriously on the cheap with my peruvian amigos. now, in india it is known as the 'delli belly' but i hardly think such an appellation would be appropriate here, and i have since the beginning of these troubled waters that i have been attempting to bridge simultaneously been attempting to conceive of a suitable title for rocking chair syndrome. i have at last been successful and am ready to unleash the stunning title onto bloggage. Budget belly. Thats great.

But i learn my lewssons but slowly. After meeting with a couple of ,mateys in the central park today, Harris and Roberto, (i was supposed to be meting another lad but he didnt show and i couldnt remember his name so it was difficult, nay impossible, to find out whaere he was, so i abandoned the cause) we upped and offed to another delightful peruvian joint. No unsavoury strawberry goo on this occassion, but ye gods above what was i given for main course? Harris assured me it was cow, vaca, but what infernal or indeed internal part of vaca it was i cannot begin to estimate, and they to translate. I think they said it was skin. So thats leather. Thats great. You cant eat bloody leather, at least no more than you can eat breeze blocks and cardboard, so it probably wasnt that. Lung? Bladder? Stomach? Worse? It ha kind of hexagonal patterns on some of it like honeycomb which lead me to conceive of the idea that it might be lung. Santa Maria, Padre, a Smiths song has just come on the radio. how marvellous! And they played De´peche Mode a few minutes before that. this will probably be either meaningless or even distasteful to mostr of you punks out there but belive me it is quite an event for your humble blogger. Anyhow, whatever part od the vaca it was, i felt obliged to eat it. It had the texture of squid almost though not so chewy. I dont suppose it will kill me but im keeping the uimmodiums on 24hr standby. SO far so good tho, i may have overdone it on the immods tho and thus may never dump again. Then we checked out some more inca stuff, which was nice (pretty rocks and stuff) tho nothing to write more than a few lines home about.

Now, before i go on to tell yu about the immeasurable delights of booking my trip on the inca trail which leaves on sunday, i must voice an irritation that has surfaced today. Chesp Hotals and the only thing they inevitably include gratis except of course the afprementioned and bemoaned 'continental breakfast' (two sodding rolls for those of you foolish punks who do not read fully these immeasurably splendid blogs). Building works. Its not even building works really, (they never actually seem to 'build' anytihng) its just some git with a hammer hitting things with much gusto outside your door at all hours, or at whatever time you have chosen to rest your tired head. Theyve been doing it every day that I've been here and the results have been shameful. Every day i go out to see what theyve built and everyday i find, flabbergasted, nothing but a few pounded scraps of rock or concrete. What the hell are they doing! The same occured in Antigua and in Lima. Admittedly i didnt hear anything in nazca but i only slept for three hours and thus probably caught them napping. Why? for pities sake. What element of the construction porcess involves incessantly hitting things and nothing else. Ah, but now a theory strikes me as surely as their hammers pound the ground: perhaps they are practicing their peruvian music. Now that i think of it, the parallels in the musical quality are only too apparent. But outside my door. Please.

Right, thats better. 180 dollar just for you senor extra special price we do everything for you Inca Trail tour booked and paid for. I got so excited by it all i even booked a tour of some nearby towns for tomorrow afternoon, another six bucks. So today bank reserves were drained by another 250 quid tho that should keep me in business for a week or two. Good heavens, after such expenditure i almost got thoroughly carried away and booked a white water rafting trip. And i yet might! I am a millionaire, R.V.V.R (Really Very Very Rich) as well as being R.V.V.C.! Crickey!

I have calmed down a little now. But no! while i was at it, i even splashed out on some new soap, shaving cream, deoderant and i jest you not shampoo!! At horrendous expense! You now how it is. You wait ages for a bus to come along an suddenly a fleet of the things parades along at once.

Now i have calmed down. So, basically, heres the current progress reprt in summary.

The Shit Sit.

Crap control reports that structural damage has been repaired, integrity maintained and leaks plugged. Poo patrol indicates that the bowels of this particular ship are secure once more.

Inca Trail Macchu Picchu Situ.

Inca trail is locked in and locked on and torpedoes are prepped and ready to fly. Just how i can include the quote from aliens, 'we're in the pipes, five by five' i cannot for the moment discern except by some further crude reference with my recent battle with the bog.

Overall trip sit.

After a quiet couple of days in cusco, for enacting situation analyses, filing progress reports and evaluating mission objectives, its all systems go, and the road rolls once more.

The next step on the road is to secure some nosh. After the Peruvian Budget Belly escapade earlier today I'm going to damn the expense and go to Cafe Bagdad (IRS not approved but nevertheless possessing quite delightful views of cusco and around), get me a cheeseburger and eat me some stomach filling and thankfully identifiable vaca.

Is there more to say? Ah yes, of late Ive been having a debate with Dan, of the Mr. Staniforth variety not the Desperate variety, about the existence of God and the views on the subject by that old chestnut Descartes. The details of this fascinating and bloody exchange can be found by ollowing the above link, Cheese Mongers Anonymous, and accessing the talkbacks. Did Descartes believe, or did he not, that he had proved Gods existence through his philosophical musings. Help me out people, we have reached a stalemate.

Oh, and this is dam funny, very much like a train. I have been warned against this sort of activity by the Evil Uncle, but this is so dam funny that i have to put it in. Its long, i must warn, but everybody should read it. I could almost say its, no no i wont say that.

This is supposed to be an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response
letter.



SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.
A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2003.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price, District Representative Land and Water Management Division



** Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries: **

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to.

I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity. My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.
If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU.


RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

Evil Uncle: indeed they are ar soles and theres nought that con soles them. And keep boiler suit bird away from me. Please. And it was always probabe that luvvley bubbly would work it out eventually. Even i got there after a month or two. As for Arsestonauts, sod them. Laura: Dont worry girl I'm back on top, never let the arsetards grind one down, thats what i say. Tinderstick: yep, as i say, feeling simply heaps and heaps better. Glad to see that the turtles havent taken you way forever, and alls well. No lightning storms in this gaff but it aint half bad. All sounds esplendido, until then...

Posted 10:24 PM by Gobbler
The Blog of the bog

This blog is the blog of the bog and its current importance to this blogger. this blog will not impress or please everyone. This blog may appall. This blog may disgust. This blog may make people unwell. this blog may induce in the reader a similar problem as that which has today plagued the writer. this blog could be the end for all of us. those pregnant or with a heart condition may suffer serious side-effects from risking this blog. they are advised to steer well clear and come back tomorrow when things are better.

And, now that i have ensured that everyone who is reading this is guaranteed to continue to its end, i shall beblog. This is extracted from my diary, written earlier today. The brief extract catalogues my principal activity and concern today. For many, i will repeat, it will make a grim read. Blog On.

...I'm sitting on the balcony of Cafe Bagdad, enjoying the superb view and reminiscing on the sub standard spaghetti carbonara i have recently consumed.

My stomach is in one helluva mess, and i have been experiencing what i believe is technically known as the loose stool - a journey to the poo pen has just been necessitated by the imminent appearance of another of those objects names after a small and rickety item of furniture. i panicked almost when i was there because, while sitting here (on the balcony), i decided that it was perfectly safe to leave my bag by the table. Probably it is but in there it suddenly occurred to me that it was an idiotic idea, and i rushed to complete the messy business. god knows what i would do if i lost my bag that has this vital cargo inside. it would spoil the whole trip and that is no exaggeration. well happily all is well and the slip has not been punished.

my recent toilet trip testifies that though i popped a couple of immodiums earlier something is still not quite under control. i am actually quite glad in a strange way to have a dodgy stomach. it would be a pain to lug countless immodiums accross the globe and not use any of them...

And, to continue the odourous theme, i have this from a couple of days ago. You're going to love this one.

Nope, ive changed my mind, youre not getting it. sorry to build up all the suspense. Its half 12 and im going now. hasta manana.

Posted 8:18 PM by Gobbler
Blogged in 60 seconds

i wrote quite a lot yesterday. I have reread it and it wasnt all fascinating. In order to stop that from happening, today i have decided to write less, to thus induce concentrated goodness, the hit of the whole fruit, akin to a can of tango, which is nice to see. Simple really. Evil Uncle: thanks a lot for the soles, i will get back onto the beers immediately. But clearly you fell asleep before you reached the riveting paragraph about my trek special sandals. I have succeeded in repairing them and therefore for the moment dont need new soles. A very kind thought though

Posted 7:58 PM by Gobbler
No you cant always blog what you want

Ive just spent some moments perusing some random blog work of other people. not people i know, total strangers. and, on the whole, total muppets. I believe i have found the most boring blogspot in the world. some chap going on about how lovely botany is: 'The trees are lovely and the flowers are lovely. i love flowers...' I suppose its my own fault for going to random sites but i was searching for a little inspiration. i consider it useful to see what other people write. Usually they write codshit, what i might call incoherent inconsequential wibble. What i write here on the other hand is most interesting, coherent, consequential and un-wibble like. of course it is.

Well punks i hope that billy connoley treated you well. I'm still in cusco. ive been keeping a fairly low profile these last few days. I havent been feeling all that sociable but have met a few locals. First of all on sunday night they bribed me into their club with a few free drinks. club 'xss', very hip apparently. I got my free cuba libre and went upstairs where there was noone much about, sat in the corner and read my book, the lsat of the mohicans. I passed many happy hours in this way and was only interrupted once by one of the local guys, hugo, giving me another free drink. thats the kind of interruption i can handle. It was dark upstairs but there was just enough light inthe corner to read unimpeaded. At about a quarter past three (i discovered that the place was open til four. i had had no intention of staying so long but got lost in the book) i thought that i might as well make some vague attempt to be sociable so i sat at the bar downstairs and even paid for drink. After a while i got chatting to some locals: hugo, alex ad some other punter i cant remember the name of tho tis not normal at all. In due course we went back to alex's for a beer. alex and matey with the funny name live in one room on the roof of some old building. This room is unfirnished bar a bed and some blankets and quite frankly isnt very big. in a sort of L shape it cant be much mre than about six square metres tho thats a vague guess. ANyway, not important really. Sat there chatting fr a few hours in spanishio, one of them gave me a dictionary for free which was damned kind of him. i think it may be the first bi-lingual dictionary ever invented. The introduction reads: 'The day will soon come when mastering more than one language will be fundamental. Bilingual dictionaries will then become indispensable tools in work and study, bridges spanning the gap between countires striving for mutual knowledge and understanding... This English-Spanish Spanish-English LEXICON dictionary which we are herewith introducing is a novelty in the Spanish book-market...' Theres only one word for a book such as this with such an extraordinary introduction, and that is 'splendid'. The cover is missing so i dont know how old it is but certainly it aint new.

With the aid of this tool we chatted away (well they chatted and i nodded) until it got very late or early and as a consequence i did not get back to my room and the rest it afforded until 10. The next day, yesterday, was not the most productive i have ever had.

Last night i went to bed and thus arose at far more reasonable and advisable an hour. I met up with alex and a couple of other mateys and together we went up the hill to see some nice ruins. At this point i had only 70 centavos (not a lot. 14p) to my credit. i was pretty sure i had read somewhere that the ruins we were going to (they sound a bit like 'sexy woman' but quite obviously that is not their correct title) came with an entrance fee but alex and co didnt seem too worried. We duly had to dodge our way past about three enquiring ticket people but eventually gained access to the site, which was nice. So not only were alex and co giving me a free tour of the sites they were also smuggling me past the ticket patrols. I could hardly argue. I couldnt afford the entrance fee anyway. We cruised about a bit, admired the exquisite Inca stonemasonry, took some piccies ad generally walked about as one does on such occassions. I had only planned to take a ouple of photos but alex and co got quite excited every now and again when they saw a good photo opportunity so i acquiesced and let them snap their way to the end of the roll.

Nearby the ruins there is a statue of the big jc, Jesu Christu. Its a small but i am assured highly superior version of the massive one they have in Rio de Janeiro. I will verify this claim when i get to rio. The locals cobbled together the money in support of the Palestian problems in the middle east. Thus far i have not understood how putting up a pretty statue of christ in cusco peru assists the plight of the palestinians but it seems that attempting to get a straight answer will be virtually impossible and in any case beyond my paltry linguistic acumen. As the clouds began to roll in bringing the dusk with them we pottered back down to the plaza des armas, the main square.

Up to this point i had not taken the advisable step of eating, and was, after a couple of hours walking around the place, close to collapse. In imminent danger of going into reactor shutdown, total structural failure, meltdown, cardiac arrest, down. One of alexs mates, lets call him tom, said that he'd be delighted to provide me with dinner round at his gaff, gratis. I could hardly refuse so off we trundled. a ten minute walk across town took us to the cheapest restaurant in christendom, 1.5 soles (40 cents) for soup and maincourse and strawberry goo for desert, all washed down with what i must say was quite delicious sweet tea stuff. Did the trick nicely. IRS approved, ARSE award nominated. Not so sure about th strawberry goo in fairness. I was told it was nice so i didnt argue and gobbled it down. Seeing as i wasnt paying for the pleasure it seemed rude to refuse the strawberry goo. i will not, however, be queing up to have it again.

After that it was time for alex and tom to go to work and so i wondered off with two other peruvian mateys, who will remain nameless for now (as i dont know their names) to find a cash machine that will accept my debit card. They just love VISA round here but arent neary so keen on Cirrus or Switch or Maestro. I completely failed back in Flores on the mission to tikal (have i told that fascinating story?) and nearly got stuck. Here i had to try four places before i succeeded, but all was well in the end. I am once again cashed. Bade farewell to matey 1 and 2 and came here for some nettage.

The main, well only really reason for coming to cusco was to do the inca trail, which i will begin in the next couple of days. Have been slow to organise it because of the high costs (200-250 dollars) and bewildering superabundance of people offering various tours. I dont want to pay too much but it seems theres no real way of knowing. I'm in conference with peruvian mateys as to the prices. one has recommended i dont go with a tour. im not convinced of the wisdom of such a view.

Well now, evil uncle has personally requested that i return to my own moaning rather than simply sticking in Billy Connoly's gripes about the world, but i'm not feeling in a very moany mood just now. i havent me anyone that has annoyed me, things have been almost bland. About the most disturbing thing in the last couple of days was hugo interrupting my nice quiet read in a corner of the club, xss, lsat night to come and meet his girlfriend who has popped over from brazil. As i had said i would i could hardly refuse but to be honest i would have preferred the book. ive just got to an exciting bit. I guess that makes me a sad miserable old git but it happens to the best of us. I would just read in my room but th club is warmer, more comfortable, has free drinks and at least gives the impression that i am being sociable.

I have been known for the odd rioutous evening. I cannot think of a single person among my friends and family who will nt be able to directly recall some riotous or regrettable incident involving an overexcited union between myself and beverage of an alcoholic nature. I perfected the art at university in seedy holes such as 'Mutz Nutz' where one could procure a pint of piss for only 50 pence, and the Students Union which offered a very reasonable pint for 1 pound and twenty five pence. But as my drinking crew is loitering in England or thereabouts and my persuance of ladykind has been halted due to Karin, the aforementioned international relation of significance, who is at this moment saving turtles in some dumpy part of the west coast of guatemala, the need and desire to go out and rock the town in true beezynow gobbler style has abated. Almost certainly i'll crack before too long and go out and get thoroughly blotto and find myself naked on the steps of the cathedral. I dont know. Maybe i'm just not in a sociable mood. Maybe the last of the mohicans is the most enlightening and stimulating book in the world and society can go sod off until the book is fnished at which point it may humbly request to return. Maybe there are other reasons. oh, the mystery.

Whatever, the inca trail will perk me up. Strangely, im not in a mad ruch to get there. I know its just round the corner so really it can stay there for a couple of days. Ive been thinking of coming here since, oh, before you were born, and once i go i wont be able to look forward to it any more. To my knowledge and memory this is the last major archaeological curiosity bar i suppose the great wall of china that i havent had the pleasure of visiting so im happy to wait a little. After this all ive got to look forward to is a few glaciers down in chile, a bit of dynamite action in the potosi mines in bolivia, maybe a bit of genuine rainforest, a nice waterfall in Paraguay and lest i forget the falkland islands, a real treat. so quite a lot then. I probably shouldnt moan.

Did i mention that i had successfully repaired my Nike Trek Specials? Well, i have. bought some superglue from some chappy on the street for 1 sol, 25 cents, 15p, and duly stuck my fingers and my sandals together. I managed to pry the vast majority of my fingers from my sandals and each other, and my sandals have been pushe back into full frontline active service since. Splendid. They are still falling apart and i've probably got the crappest footware in cusco if not s. america but i like them. actually my feet are jolly chilly at present because cusco aint all that hot and ive been sitting here for a couple of hours or so.

This blog effort has evolved into a bit of a monster and i havent really said much. I do hope that my millions of dedicated daily readers will not have been offput by todays spurious ramblings if that is what they are perceived to be. Now that i ahve said that, i will continue to wander. Because people, as i mentioned at the begining of this essay into the world of blog, You cant always get what you want.

I have to meet a matey at ten in the park to go to some bar, Mamamerica or something. I need to go home first and scrub up a little, put on some shoes etc, but there is no time now as its almost half nine. So im going to stay in this internet joint until near ten. This means you lucky people get more blog.

Oh, havent got any emails of late. Mind you, havent sent many either so i guess i cant complain. But it does remind one that the world is full of punks and fools, who are to be pitied. But in faith, does anyone actually know if punters such as Mr Patrick Ryan and Benjamin Keith are still alive in any shape or form? Or, for that matter, that old miscreant Colonel Stephen Archibald Whiteside R.V.V.C.? I do hope none of these fellows has come a cropper, but perhaps it is so.

I've got a couple of other thoughts rolling around my clouded nut. But whether i can convince them to pop out just now is another thing entirely. i need to pop off a few emails to punters from guatemala but their addresses are in my diary which i keep not bringing to internet sessions. Ah.

Well, i'll finish up here. no nutters to tell you about, nothng thoroughyl ridiculous to comment on (except th fact that my meal tonight cost 1.5 soles and in the restaurants on the square which are considered reasonable priced, the average main is 15-18 soles (3 quid) and drinks are 3-5 soles. (60p-1quid) This disparity in prices is quite frankly extraordinary and i dont like it. But the food is better i suppose. Still, a good topic.

Laura: Life not as a student. as parts of this blog will surely testify, i am struggling in this world of no free cheeseburger and normal beer prices. i have got round this problem by going to peru where food is 20 pence and beer 80. Its a desperate tactic but it might just pay off. As for guinea pig, i found some on the menu but it was expensive. I may have had some tonight in my mystery meal as any time a cheap place tells you the dish is chicken it could in fact be any creature available nearby. remember the pigeon in Bangkok. As for bars ad loud music, i recommend the last of the mohicans, a dark corner and a cuba libre as an effective anecdote to the bangs emanating from the loudspeakers. and just be glad you're not incarcerated on a bus for 16 hours listening to loud peruvian music on a peruvian nbus in peru.

Evil Uncle: Sorry old chap, just not very sore yesterday. A bit sorer today, hope you found some juicy pickings out of the above, tho its mostly dry.

Posted 8:51 PM by Gobbler
Billy Bloggerly

today is not english day for me. Only for me today is spanish. man tell me spanish is language of lovers. me run away from man, me think he probably wierdo person. today only i copy in funny things by billy connoly, scotishio comedio muy divertido.
today also slow day for me. i read book, i wonder around town like lost guinea pig. think i eat guinea pig for dinner. was chewy but i liked it. Only 4 soles. gets A.R.S.E. (Associated Ricota Standard of Excellence) of the week award. here is amusing thing:

Billy Connolly's 14 things I hate about everybody
>
> 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know
>where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch
>when I ask where the toilet is?
>
>2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room
>for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the
>channel manually.
>
>3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
>F*cking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
>
>4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
>Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do
>this? Who and where are they?
>
> 5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser,
>I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f*cking floor.
>
>6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a
>choice there, did you sunshine?
>
> 7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then
>there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there
>must have been something before it.
>
>8. When people say "life is short". What the f*ck?? Life is the longest
>damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!! What can you do that's longer?
>
>9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come
>yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Kn*b head?
>
> 10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So
>what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?
>
> 11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's
>really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
>
> 12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an
>image I really didn't need.
>
> 13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't
> insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It's has to be a
>McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks. Well I'll have a
>McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f*cking McTosser.
>
>14. When you involved in a accident and someone asks 'are you alright?' Yes
>fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.


but i am in slow day today so go i will to another place and read book. is good book. will respond to talk backs when i have more fast day. mayber this is tomorrow, maybe day after. maybe i have no more fast days. is possible, yes? amusing funny things above sent me by my cousin, peter. hmm, thanky you.

Posted 10:56 AM by Gobbler
Dont ask me pal, i only blog here

A couple of people have lately asked me to stick a link for their site on mine, but i dont know the technicalities of these things and as such am unable to do so. anyone who does know tho may take this as a license to let me know.

Now in Cusco, s.e. peru. Took a mind blowingly windy but fairly good road through the mountains to get here, 16 hours in total as threatened. Views would have been more easily appreciable if it hadnt been dark for the majority of the journey but it did mean that i havent really wasted a day and i have saved on a nights accom.

Music on buses. Music on buses is one thing, music on peruvian buses is another thing, music all night long is another, music at peruvian volume levels all night long is another but Peruvian music at Peruvian volume levels all night long is, believe me, quite another thing all together. They like their peruvian music so they do or at least the people in charge of the sound system clearly did. The same girl seems to have sung a thousand tunes with the same two backing instruments (a spangly synthy piece and a rattle) using the same twelve or so notes. Interesting as a cultural experience for a couple of hours or so, quite, and i do not use this word lightly, quite f#$%ing irritating after twelve non-stop hours of it, at six in the morning. It didnt stop me from going to sleep completely, but whenever i awoke my mind was immediately assaulted by the ghastly melodies which brough me close to panic on more than one occassion. Even turning up my walkman to full volume could not shut out the piercing notes, and i was reduced to rocking myself into a form of hypnotic narcosis to escape Miss Peru and her tortuous vocals. I even heard a couple of the locals telling the driver to shut her up so it cannot just have been me.

Despite this i did get a reasonable amount of sleep and so have kept on going. had a little shufty around the town, got my laundry done and got some lunch or breakfast. Theres not much open today as its a sunday so im just going to sit in a cafe and read. Jeff, a sound punter type from Arizona, gave me The Last of the Mohicans which he reckons is well worth perusing. In Peru. oh how clever.

I'm only paying 15 soles for my room, a record low in peru and a lot less than i figured on in cusco. thats about 2 pound 70. Not bad. Oh and everyone will be delighted to hear that i am in dire need of shower related prducts, as i finished off my shower gel. My hair would profit from a wash, its never looked quite so ridiculous, but i d ont really care. I'll get it cut one of these days.

Benteacher: most impressed at your resourceful definition of organ. had a quick trip to your blog, nice to see. As is the hit of the whole fruit. All the rest of you, and there are especially a lot today: damn funny. like a, like a punk, in the distance.