Posted 8:40 PM by Gobbler
It´s a new blog, its a new country.

Finally i have quite the good 'ol us of a in favour of Guatemala. But i almost didnt make it. It was a tale of which my dad would not approve, consisting as it does of being late for aeroplanes.

Last night (Friday) i went out in atlanta with Claire, the nanny in the employ of the caseys, the charming rellies with whom i have spent the last few days since tulsa. A bevvy of beverages were beverised. We went for a chinese and then hit the irish pub. it now seems beyond reasonable doubt that there are irish pubs in every conurbation on gods green earth (just waiting to see if there is one in antigua and then the real test will be the falkland isalnds in a few months time) and atlanta is no exception. Claire and her boyfriend are both irish so it was an obvious choice of venue. Met up with a few of their friends, a couple of whom thought i was about 29. i didnt seem all that drunk; i guess the rampaging afro must have added on a few years. (still havent sliced the swede, mike would not be happy) A thoroughly entertaining evening but i guess i must be getting old as i was tempted to abandon pub and stay home with peter and helen the casey rentals for an evening of wine and cheese.

Arrived back at about half one. Flight left at eight, so had to get up at about five in order to leave at around half six. Only needed to get there an hour and a bit before hand because the first flight was internal to miami. Unsurprisingly my pathetic alarm failed to do its work
and peter and helen thought that my flight was not til ten. Peter knocked on my door at about 25 to seven suggesting that i might like to begin to rouse. when he told me the time i at first refused to believe him. I had less than 45 minutes to be checked in at the airport: your baggage has to be checked 40 minutes prior to departure. When one is well and truly stuffed often the easiest solution is plain denial. A rushed dress, final pack, a goodbye later and peter was bombing me across town in his frankly quite fast merc (no time to bugger about with the train system. The journey across town takes 20-25 minutes. We arrived at about 10 past seven and as i legged it to queue peter went to park. i struggled with the idea of asking people in the queue if i could go before them but thought that i just about had enough time. The queue moved painfully slowly, a couple of overweight people with overweight baggage slothly redistributed the weight in their bags, the clock ticked. Just as it was my turn to check in a woman skipped the queue and went in front. I wasnt sure whether she had some special pass so didnt interfere but the check-in lady told her to queue, so i went up. it was 7:19. The check-in lady told me that if the push-in lady had gone first i would have missed check-in. I got my seat allocation, handed over my bags, said goodbye to peter and went on my way. I dont like to think about what would have happened if i had missed the flight. Most likely lots of dollars would have left my wallet. Ah well, alls well that ends well.

the caseys had a swimming pool and the swimming pool had a slide. This was no ordinary slide, this things an absolute beast. A custom made monster constructed from stone, one has to climb the stone steps past the stone diving board between the two waterfalls to get to the 35 foot treat. I appreciate that i am now 22 and therefore well beyond the average waterslide appreciation age but it was rather good. Sorry nigel but you´ll have to go back to the drawing board with your one.

in atlanta itself spent a couple of days seeing the sites. After spending much needed ages at the eastaways (Tulsa) catching up on emails and blog, (to which i have received precious few replies you punks) and finding less access at the caseys - too much hounding from small cousin types - i trained it (The MARTA (Municipal Atlanta Rail and Transport Authority?) system. A bit like a tube system and a bit like a tram system and a bit like a, like a train. Damned funny) into downtown. Frist day i headed for the Martin Luther King National Centre. Didnt have a map and it took me ages to find out where it was: theres quite a few places with his name on it. Got some directions from some helpful citizens but was then 'assisted' by some dodgy guy who claimed to know the way better. The people i had asked were at odds as to where it was so i thought i´d give mr dodge a chance. He reckoned they were quite quite wrong: "No, thats not right, they don't know. I mean, they know the town, but they dont know the town, do you know what í'm sayin'? Heh heh, put it there brother!" (hand raised for high five)

It turns out that he didnt have much of a clue about what he was talking about so i got rid of him and went on my way. eventually found a map board in the street, found my bearings, and trained it to the nearest stop to MLK centre. Direction of walk from train wasnt completely clear but i took a street that seemed to be going the right way. I did go the right way and my path took me through a black district. not surprising considering MLK was black and all. For a moment i did imagine i had gone completely the wrong way and that a large black bmw driving past me, windows wound down and guns blazing; i have watched one too many films. As it happens the area i was walking through seemed perfectly pleasant and was only 15 minutes walk from the city centre. Mind you, walk 15 minutes in the wrong direction in Manchester and you can reasonably say adios to your wallet and other prized possessions, but anyhow. In due course some black guy came up to me and offered to shake my hand but then withdre3w it saying "Hey man, let me clean my hand, i got dirt on it. (Wipes his hand) I can get the dirt off but i cant get the colour off." Well no, i didnt think that he would, such a feat currently only achieved by Superstar M.J. He proceeded to offer me lots of friendly advice, telling me that i was dangerously lost, had stumbled into the ghetto and that were it not for him would probably get gunned down. Clearly i was not in the ghetto, or if i was then ghettos have improved markedly recently. However, while i quite liked the idea of cruising the streets of the ghetto, i also quite liked the idea of leaving and i wasnt exactly sure where i was. this guy had a map and showed me where i was, and showed me where i should go. exactly where i was going as it turned out. Thankful for his advice i gave him a couple of dollars for the map and arrived at the MLK centre without further incident. No doubt he spends his days wandering those streets looking for vulnerable non-black tourist types like myself, telling them their lives are in danger in the ghetto and selling them maps and all sorts. A living is a living. And whatever anybody says i can now claim to have risked my life in a genuine 'ghetto'.

MLK centre pretty darn good and free as well whjich was a bonus. I could tell you all about the guy but if you dont already know a bit about him then you probably dont care much. tell you what, if i get any requests via talkback then í'll enthrall you with the juicier elements of his tale. As you useless lot never take me up on such offers it is a practical certainty that i will never here recount the stroy of MLK.

Next day was the world of coca cola and the CNN tour. But i have gone on long enough for now.

Tulsa Hilton: St. Louis airport didnt play any unwanted tricks on me. the only meat related product that i had on me was beef jerky and they apparently dont mind that or at least did not discover it. Damn fine stuff that beef jerky i can tell you. As you will by now know, am in guatemala having finished with southern comforts this morn. As promised, water slide was indeed something to behold, and was tested moer than once. Thanks again for you excellent hospitality; current premises not up to presidential suite standard. I mean, i havent even got internet in my room!

Posted 9:52 PM by Gobbler
Oh shite i just lost a blog. cant be arsed to repeat it. wasnt aqll that fascinating anyway, but half an hour down the blog, so they say.

going to georgia tomorrow to meet up with some little known rellies, the caseys. looking forward to it and will no doubt have the opportunity of filling you in while there.

After that, on saturday, i'm off to Antigua, Guatemala, to learn Spanish for three weeks and see tikal, mayan city wot was used in star wars ep. IV a new hope when they launched the attack on the death star from the moon base. looks quite nice so it does.

I'm beginning to get a little worried about the whole merry caper so i am, and not without good reason so i believe. i'm living with a guatemalan family who will i imagine speak mucho mucho spanishio which i currently don't. Brought some spanish learning tapes with me but ahve hardly touched them since i left what with one thing and another. It will be interesting.

But what with losing that blog i'm all blogged off right now.

El Benjito: I have never been all that enraptured by the Buck Rogers in the 25th Century game. i always found that the fate of the game always rested too heavily upon factors which should not have been relevant to the game and surely would not have been relevant to Buck Rogers and his space cohorts. I mean principally the limitation placed on the number of factories that can be built by the number of factory models supplied by the game manufacturer. This is surely an aspect that would not have worried our Buck, and thus makes the game infuriatingly unrealistic. Further more, the fate of then universe rest too heavily upon the turn sequence of the game (classically who will be able to build factories first in a round). Though random, the position of turn gives one player too much unwarranted power. Overall, and i think that this is my basic point, the game's fate is too often taken out of the players hands and placed, by the shortcomings and limitations of the rules and game structure, into a single dice roll that should be unimportant (such as who goes first) that ultimately makes the game unduly fabricated and irritatingly unrealistic and therefore, in the end, tiresome, irksome and vexing. (three such words were unnecessary but i feel they go well together) Conclusion:not as good as scrabble.
p.s. yes, i do want more, especially about this interestnig creature charlotte and her suitability for bifta-fuelled intrigue. As for begging; my dear fellow it is you who should be begging. begging for forgiveness now that i have quite exploded the myth about Buck rogers in the twenty-fifth century. I might almost go so far as to degrade you to the rank of Regular Punk Second Class but i'll let your misdemeanour pass for now. Due to all the good work you have done in the past for charity that you dont like to talk about.

Posted 4:19 PM by Gobbler
The far side of the blog.

we can see from the dates written around about here that i havent been blogging it as much as i would have hoped. but at a dollar a minute in vegas and far too many other ways of spending both time and money, and with so much travelling around this last week, the opportunities for high quality blog behaviour have been poor.

Ah, while i remember. Mike and Tom met a marvellously informed American on their travels, all keen on sharing his geographical knowledge. he discovered that Tom was from england and immediately became uncontrollably excited. "I know where England is! That shit's next to Spain!!!" Oh, how close he was.

The road trip: 1200 miles from seattle to las vegas and then another 300 odd to los angeles, qll in the company of Tom and Mike, punters picked up in the ever splendid Seattle. The delights of Riddle and Ashland already covered. Left ashland at about half two and drove solidly until we hit las vegas at about half five the next morning. we could have got there a lot quicker if we had put pedal to metal, but those highway patrols were still zipping past at half four picking up speed felains (dont know how one spells that word, maybe its felon) so we didnt risk it. kept amused thru the long hours with endless games of animal vegetable mineral, known to some as 20 questions - baron samedi and starfish are difficult to get - docotr octagon nigh on impossible - and speculation about the veracity of that americans advice on long distance road travel (see 03/07/03). Hard to make a description of the trip particularly interesting. it was long and mostly dark.

When we came on vegas there was some debate as to whether the lights of vegas were actually vegas or the dawn: at first all we saw was a line of yellow defining the horizon. it got bigger, and dawn began to appear from somewhere over to the left. this was vegas. baby.

This is not a technicl term i am sure, but i think an appropriate way to describe las vegas is 'proper massive' and indeed 'proper bo'. Its no where near as big as say L.A. (100 miles long and 100 miles wide) but compared to the piddly little towns you pass for the six or so hours drive it is from Reno and the fact that, apart from these piddly ltle towns there is precisely diddly squat in the desert bar the odd escaped con, hillbilly 'this is where am a gonna leeeev' local and of course numerous unmarked graves (most people have heard of all those mafia killings and burials in the desert and so on; i have to admit that i was quite sceptical about whether this ever really did happen, but i cn confirm that while we were there a body was discovered in an unmarked grave in the desert, - i saw it on the news - so it seems quite a popular pastime after all). The two dozen or so major casinos poked their neon-lit heads above the sparkling throng of lights guiding our way to the heart of the city: The Strip. It doesnt look all that big when you look at it from outside the city limits or if you glance at it on the map, but each of the casinos are so big they are about a quarter of a mile apart from each other.

My old friend laura gave me a few tips on how to get the most out of vegas. she stayed at the luxor hotel, i thought it wuld be a good idea to dtay there as well. ii had concocted a theory (i though someone had tolsd me but perhaps it was the product of my own contriving) that all the hotels offered cheap rooms because they were keen on people to stay there and use their casinos. However, we did not consider $175 a night to be all that cheap so we left sharpish and eventually found a travelodge round the corner for about sixty. i should have realised that laura is less poor than myself or at least has access to doh the likes of which i can barely imagine. well, the travelodge was nice enough.

Slept all day, consumed a pizza (meat feast, very nice) and then hit the lights. The MGM Grand, New York New York, Excalibur, Sahara, and on and so on the list goes on. Some of them have their own rollercoasters and everything

Many interesting punters met over the time and a few in particular. On our second night we started off in New York New York. WE were on a ten dollar blackjack table, the cheapest we could find in there. My (usually) 'flawless' 'system' had just lost me 100 dollars in half an hour leaving me miserably sipping my free drink pretending that i was still playing so that i could still repa free drinks. Tom, who had won 450 dollars the night before, was also in the process of losing 100 dollars. A woman came to the table to my left and carefully carelessly placed $25 into position. "I'm just gonna make a quick win" she declared. "Thats what I said 25 years ago" The sullen words unconsciously flowed from the croupier, whose wide yellowing glasses shielded dim dieing eyes embedded in tired folds of skin stretched across a pale face where every line of every blunt feature ended pointing down. She lost the hand, caught herslef tutting and forced a cheerful 'oh well' and left the table. The croupier cleared the cards and dealt again.

By our last night (we were only there for three) we ad discovered a blackjack table where you could play for two dollars. By placing the minimum bet it all the time it is possible, even with bad luck, to survive for hours on only 20 bucks. You might even win some. given that you are constantly being brought free drinks, albeit for a dollar tip a time, (i dont know what would happen if one didnt tip but i imagine the quality and quantity of drink would deteriorate) it is quite possible to survive wallet intact. I say this, but i was lucky. I won about 60 bucks on the first night but lost about 140 the second, then started the last night with just 25 bucks. Feeling ill and decidedly poor i clawed it back from having 18 left to about 140. I ended that night having made a profit of about 130 meaning that i had, by the end, come out of the three day gamble fest with 50 dollars more than i came in with. On the tables anyway.

Oh, in vegas i finally met an american, in fact a human being, who likes George W. Bush. None of Anna's friends i met or indeed no one else i have ever met has got a lot of time for him. its understandable that no-one outside america likes him much, but you would have thought that in the country that (more or less) elected him he would have a fair few supporters. Well, dear reader, i have found one. Only one, but its a start. A fascinating fellow from Wisconsin. Not exactly sure where Wisconsin is but it appears to be a hotbed of Republican intellectual thought. Apparently George W. Bush is a great man and a great President because A) he's Republican and B) He's decisive (he makes a decision, he goes for it and then dont take no sh*t from anyone). If you think about it, the mans got a point. George W is certainly both of those. This wisconsin guy even seemed fairly intelligent. Which is hard to believe given that the two things he looks for in a leader are a certain political allegiance and being bull-headed. his viewpoint reminds me of a great quote by a famous leader: "How lucky it is for leaders that men do not think." The man who said that, old Adolf, hasnt got all that many quotes in popular circulation nowadays, being the most evillest and thoroughly bad and probably gay as well person ever and all, but he could teach us all a thing or two about having a certain political label (he had a cunning though arguably paradoxical one) and he was certainly decisive. I cant help thinking that our man from wisconsin would have been quite keen on him too, tho he would probably have threatened to shoot me if i mentioned it.

But i digress. it almost went so horribly wrong. As i said, i was down to just 18 dollars. i threw it all in on one hand, even my bottom dollar for the tip. I won, and then i won again, but just as easily i could have lost and then lost again and my bank balance would have looked very unwell. ho hum, thats vegas baby. How many of those croupiers and cleaners and cashiers and waitresses and porters, i wonder, came to vegas wanting to be croupiers and cleaners and cashiers and waitresses and porters? Maybe most of them did. Maybe they came to vegas for the work and the heat and the bright flashing lights. Maybe they came to make a quick buck then get out quick, but faltered on the first stage and never made it to the second.

And even tho i won on the tables and managed to leave i still spent a wopping load of dosh. Food expensive, accomo expensive, taxis everywhere expensive, everything eating away at my carefully hoarded endo. And when you've made a load of money you spend more, tho when you've lost you still spend plenty. Thus on my first night it seemed a marvellus plan to spend 60 bucks on a limo home after a night out at a club, thus spending all my winnings. it seemed like a good idea at the time, but the next night, whilst returning to the cash machine for another 100 dollars after a quick lose, it didnt appear so clever.

I've just spent the last few minutes examining by bank details, analysing how i spent my money. Gambling aside, i still spent 300 dollars in three and a half days (i worked it out: 60 on accom, 50 on food, 85 on taxis inc. limo, 30 odd on rollercoasters etc., about 60 on going out and drinks). Thats a little over budget. I'm not going back to vegas in a hurry.

Then we drove to l.a. which is a ridiculously big place full of not all that much except highways and sprawling suburbia. rumour has it there are some fantastically beautiful parts and great things to do there, but in a city that big its got a lot of not very much there too. we never found the centre.

So now i'm in sunny tulsa, Oklahoma, basking in 100 degree heat and impeccable hospitality. I have yet to find an american with anything good to say about tulsa OK, but i've got to say that in my opinion so far so good. Admittedly the local school does look like a secret weapons facility, made as it is of imposing windowless concrete cubes, but i'm told this is due to the threat of tornadoes. I've asked a load of people here in the usa of their opinions on Tulsa without much positive response. I told anna and she said "What?! Oh my god, why are you going there? Nick!" nuf said. A similar response was given by all. Eventually at a party up in olympia i managed to find smeone who had lived in Tulsa. "So you're from Tulsa. Everyone here says its rubbish, but whats it really like?" "Well, I left." "Ah. Right. I'm going there in a couple of weeks." "Why?" the copnversation failed to turn up any tulsa gems. But i quite like the place so far. Admittedly all i've seen really is the airport, the highway and my Aunt Katie's house, but thats still more than most of the people who have heartlessly slated the place. Mind you, Katie dosent have endless praise for Tulsa and she has seen more of it than me, so I'm no expert as yet.

About time i signed off but, just like that old sleuth Columbo, theres just one more thing. Whilst up Seattle way i met a fantastic nearly insane chap called Ian who is the sort of guy you vaguely hear stories about but never actually meet. Damn funny, a bit like a, like train. Well, i met him and i'll give you a storyt about him. you may not believe me but, like everything else here recoreded for posterity and science and progess and cosmology in the form of blogmatter, it is quite true. This guy is a bit loopy. Unlike my victimised old friend rich who was christened with the unduly harsh nickname by the not-so-good author many moons ago, this guy is a genuine fruit loop extraordinaire. He had just been done for drink driving, called something like DWI here (Driving While Intoxicated, or did i just make that up?) which is pretty darn serious and limits his job prospects. Anyhoo, his mum (he's 20) had driven to the scene to pick him up, and was driving him home, giving him an earful. he, so it would seem, does not take kindly to words of reproach and told his mum to shut up or else stop the car and let him out. She informed him that neither occurence was on the horizon and that the lecture was going to be a long one considering that he had just ruined his life and all. He, somewhat loopy, although by all accounts now quite sober, became a little agitated and informed motehr that unless she either a) shut the hell up or b)stopped the car he would open the door and jump out. she said no, the car will not be stopped, no she would not stop the lecture and no, he would not get out as she was going 35 miles an hour and he would kill himself if he jumped out. So he opened the door and jumped out.

The guy in the back of the car who told me the story said he clearly heard the bones breaking as ian hit the pavement. A badly broken leg, a broken pelvis and a long time in hospital later and Ian is back at liberty. i dont know how this works but he is driving again (rentals decided it would be a good idea to buy him a beema). He seemed quite normal to me, mostly, but definitely displayed the odd moment of mental fragility. He didnt take kindly to his girlfriends suggestion that he perhaps wasnt in the best condition to drive to the store for some booze, and appeared incapable of explaining his displeasure in a controlled fashion electing instead to brood and steam as if he was about to erupt. I accompanied him to the store. this was not frightfully wise a concede but i figured that tho there was a fair chance he'd get pulled over or even perhaps hit something, there wa a low chance he'd kill me and therefore it would be an interesting and memorable occasion. We slapped on the eagles and roared away. We didnt die, we didnt crash and we didnt even get pulled over. He did appear to shake a bit and i dare say he had a bit of a mad nervous twitch, but it may just have been my imagination. quite boring really.

Laura: Info much appraciated, ta again. didnt make it to all the things you recommended, but luxor was very nice. did you ever make it up the stratosphere? Also, yes indeed, i fear it is the truth that not all rainforests are based on the world Renowned Wyld Court Rainforest. It is a travesty, but the moss was a treat. Certainly Miss Reynolds is a spy for the Doctor. I believe she was once on the side of goodness and righteousness but became corrupted by the octagonal side some years past. Whether she was a servant of octagonallness way back in the douai times i do not know, tho it does seem quite possible. That doctor is indeed a fiend most foul. Cheers for checking the train but it was all about the road trip you see. If we had taken the train then anna would probably have known, told the evil O who may have arranged for the train to be diverted to his secret and expansive undergound monorail bound for the prison block deep in the icy core. And that would have been the end for all of us. However, it occurs to me now that perhaps, just perhaps, Las Vegas IS Polygon City?!?!?!?! That would be very tricksy in deed. The Icy Core, the heart of Polygon City, in the heart of the desert! But no, its just too evil to contemplate. Evil Uncle: Hell no foul uncle of evil, i surley did not probe her knickers, with good reason. the pair in question are a part of her chastity collection, a high tech group of undergarments that would have mangled beyond recognition any probe i may have used. This also esxplains how the knickers were heavy enough to throw. As to your other questions i honestly am not sure, perhaps you should ask her yourself but please be advised that this is not an invitation for evil types such as yourself to use this highly respected site as a some kind of evil dating system. As for the bloke who didnt feel too grand, he must have felt a right arse once he'd woken up and realised what he'd done... Hockey Rich: Regrettably my Sub-dermal Telecommunications Device (STD) has malfunctioned again. And this was just my second STD! indeed i do believe mr Gala to be in league with the doctor. As you will know from this blog i have conceived the theory that Doctor Octagon's Polygon City is in fact none other than Las Vegas. Research Continues. Thanks for the party, i had a great time. Yes, you were particularly blotto, but never mind old chap, i kept affairs going accordingly before dashing back stateside in time for road triup action. all in a days work. As for doubling up on 11 i personally wouldnt bother if he had a 10 either but of course its all down to personal 'choix'. Couldnt possibly comment on any threesome behaviour and i dont suppose tom ang mike count anyhow... I got too lost in L.A.'s highways to meet with stevie boy and the rest. dont worry tho', when the time comes they will come to us. And finally, Roulettes not the bag for me, odds too bad. But, if you play the odds...

Everyone else: Wherefore art thou Punkoids?