Posted 6:23 AM by Gobbler
and so i prodded the earth with my trusty cane at the approach to the slope, searching for some vaguely firm ground. i embedded the cane into the mud and, leaning heavily upon it, tentatively tried the piste with my trek specials. no obvious way to proceed, except down probably a long long way. off i went. an i jus kept on a goin.

the lonely bible and other publication is always advising its dear readers to get off the beaten track and i surely did. slipped about ten feet dopwn the track. it took a turn to the left and i err, didnt, but hit the off piste with dedication, taking a good slab of forest with me. the hill was steep and i slipped 10 feet or so straight down before all the fauna i had by then accumilated halted me. took stiffy to get me out of the hole i had created. i blame the damn hippies. damn hippies. mind you looking back it was probably a cunning trap laid by dr octagon. tricksy.

in due course the trek was over. day and a half to get to koh tao, here now and already started the diving course. ten hour night bus, 15 hours in bangkok, 8 hour night bus, three hours sitting around, three hours or so boat to koh tao, got there about what midday, cant remember now its already quite a long time ago... nothing amusing to report or particularly fascinating to report, i regret. well im sure there is but nothing i can think of. met martin the scottish bike wrecker in bangkok purely by chance. he had booked inot the same guest house i was staying in. only had the chance to chat for an hour though, as i had to get the bus to koh tao at 8. he hasnt crashed any bikes recently apparent;y. well done mate. also met a good lad in the cafe at the guest house called mike i think (i'll kick myself if thats wrong easy name etc) who i shared a room with. took a room to get some kip between nasty bus rides.

havent been talking much to many people yet. socialising with new people does take a bit of effort. met a few people on the buses etc but i've lost them now. actually thewre ae some germans from up in chiang mai that are at my resort, might see them later. but theyre not in my diving group, and it all takes effort you know. too much tme spent writing this bloggage action...

oh, in other news: i got ripped off buying a towel tother day on kao sahn. later, i had some pad thai for fifteen baht. also, all my clothes are quite smelly cos of chiang mai trek action. handed them over to the hostel cleaning services today, my very first wash that i will be paying for. didnt think i coulde handle the job myself, these bad boys really did have an interesting odour. i felt it was only fair that i remove them from my yellow 'clinical waste bag' into an inoffensive clear plastic one. i'm sure i mentioned it back in the day, but this bag is a genuine clinicale waste bag pilfered g\from a medical kit at douai, my old school. it shut down when i left and sebastian, a mate from school and i took the liberty, after having tea with father oliver, our old english teacher, of breaking into the swimming block and knicking what we could find. I've been sending out swimming badges to people every now and again: if youve received one, thats where it came from. as i remember, it was quite hairy getting into the block. the rules were that, despite the fact that the place is due for demolition, we weren't allowed to break our way in. everntually fouond a window on the first floor (i.e., for all you egits out there, the floor above ground level) which was not protected by bars. they had not been fitted because the window is almost impossible to get to, so off seb and iwent and climbed through inot the swimming pool. a somewhat hair-raising shuffle along a brick ledge to the balcony completed and we were in. i found the clinical waste bag in the old medi kit by the pool. anyhow, i have digressed. felt the the cleaniung staff - if they worked out what the label on the bag actually said - would not be too impressed at the sign or alternatively might incinerate all my clothes thus condemning me to wearing the same shirt i have been wearing since chiang mai all the way back to blighty and little old nerris nestled in the berkshire downs...

in the style of indiana jones!: sorry mate, how rude of me. i felt sure i must have picked it up in chiang mai cos hanoi's such a long way away, but i remember now. how's the rest of the indiana jones shaping up? the stones are mine!! hope das boot doesnt grind you down too muxch, it is a top film, honest. keep me posted about how things go. a trip that way for my good self may be called for before too long. Mike: no bro, no damn trains to speak of. it did rain a lot in chiang mai, which sounds a bit like a, like a train. photo evidence might come in the shape of me posting you a load of films when i get to usa, then you can look at them at your leisure over the next few months and then i'll go through them all with you when i get back. see how you like it punkster. Tom: no progress to report today. popping off an e now to seattle matey regarding this whole damn malarky. any chance you can hold off veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeegas
til after the tenth? then we could roll down together. nice nice nice, thats liquid travelling. i'll know whats what in the next few days. TulsaHilton: i must tell you this: during my university days, when i was young and impressionable, i met a dubious fellow who hailed from the royal borough of windsor and maidenhead. he enticed me into believing that earl grey was an innocent and flavoursome thirst quenching beverage, not the highly addictive narcotic it has since turned out to be. Its earl grey all the way i'm afraid, piping hot, with perhaps a drop of milk on sunday afternoons. typhoo certainly wont do. at the very least one expects lady grey or darjeeling in lieu of earl grey, and absolute rock bottom is twinings english breakfast or possibly pg tips, utilising only the very freshest top tips. the monkey in the television advertisement said so. oh dear dear dear me.

Posted 4:36 AM by Gobbler
arrived in bangkok this morning from chiang mai. leaving at eight tonight for ko tao and some hot diving action. mmmm, nice. finally managed to take in the reclining buddha, royal palace and national museum. Great. done a lot of buddhas now, and to be quite honest they are not exciting me as they once were. even then, back in the days when the world was you8ng, before the 'bodia had been 'bodia'd and the 'nam had been 'nam'd, they weren't all that scintillating.

currently in a poor state of cleanliness. fresh out of clean clothes after the trek and i haventy had a chance to clean them yet cos ive not been in one place long enough. itll have to wait until ko tao which means travelling in stinky clothes for another dfay. might just cruuise into the sahower with them on and let em dry in their own good time. Oh a travellers life, ho hum. well, humming anyway. and i want no derogatory comments about my normal state of cleanliness. i am a paragon of cleanliness and an example to all who wish to discern the correct way to attain and maintain impeccable personal hygeine. that is the way of things.

just got an email from martin, the scot of bike crash fame. he's in bangkok now, so ive sent him an e saying i'll be in gullivers - travellers tavern - at seven. that means this b session will be cut short, tho ive still got an hour. currently utilising free internet access at united travellers connection just off kao sahn road. somebody up in chiang mai (who was it now, come on own up, i know youre out there) gave it me adter they heard i was coming down this way but i cant remember who it was. sorry.

right now anyway, its back to the chiang mai trek. met said buch of sketchy punters. i have written somewhere their names, but evidently not on the blog. they are, marco and hattie the newly-wed dutch couple. hattie just couldnt stop laughing, while marco had rather less trouble on that front. before i might forget, they taught me a couple of very useful phrases in dutch which i will hereby chronicle for posterity. they are: (phonetic spelling) 'nirken in der kirken', translated as 'bonking in the kitchen' and 'liker licky tursa de artopols' (alt. artopolos) which has an equally dodgy translation but i've quite forgotten what it is, and they refused to tell me. if anyone can help on tht front i'd be grateful.
Then we had jo and damo, english and irish, a couple of charming punters who i should be meeting in a couple of days. hello there you two, hows it going? jo: tell me again just how good trhose special shoes were. not as good as my purpose built nike trek specials i'll bet. Then there was stiffy and michelle, who were a couple back in the day before the 'nam and the 'bodia. it appears that the heavy mental stress of those conflicts eventually broke the relationship. War is hell. Top stiffy: hello matey, hows it going? Hows operation S.O.S. (sorting out susie) progressing? Michelle: 'nam 'bodia 'nam 'bodia 'nam 'bodia 'nam 'bodia unexploded ordnance 'nam 'nam special ops 'nam 'bodia charity 'nam 'nam 'bodia.
Then there was andrew, a top special punter who was on his second trek in a row, he liked it so much. he's the sod who sank our raft. our guides were Bye and Manit. manit has been guiding for 15 years, was excellent and very in touch with the traditions and culture of the hill tribes. Bye was another top punter, i nbever worked out whether or not he originally came from the hill tribes but he was very friendly and helpful, knew exactly what to do and so on in support of manit, despite the fact that he was practically totally deaf. last but not least, (did ytou think i had forgotten?) was susie. There were three of us trying to marry her, or 'talk' as they call it round there, but in the end she went off with harry potter. the wily wizard. Anyhow, How u doin?

thats the punters sorted a little. not brilliant descriptions of them, no time, so you'll have to invent what they look like. so you see that this bloggy malarky becomes a reader participation activity. how thrilling. I tried to get some sleep onm the truck up to the mountains. the seats were not designed for such an activity so i onlky gleamed a few minutes if any. the trek began with a one and a half hour cruise through the hills to a village and our first camp. manit explained the names of the various treibes we would be visiting but i have to say that i cannot recall what they were. we enjoyed a delicious candlelit meal. i'mm not sure exactly whether the food was all that delicious or whether we were so hungry it just seemed it, but the mushroom soup and thai curry went down a treat, concocted according to a secret recipe. Jollities ensued. Bye hugged i think stiffy at one point. but it was no ordinary hug, ho ho, oh no. The cheeky trickster had covered his hands in soot and covered poor old stiffy (or was it damo?) in black stuff, all ovedr his face and neck. it produced a widespread chuckle, but perhaps you had to be there.

next day we started early-ish for our long trek day. the three hour first leg stretched out to five hours as the hazardous conditions took their toll on tired and hung over unhappy hikers. Luckily for me, i had on the day before we left purchased a high quality and of course 100% genuine Nike top trek special sandals from the night bizarre, for 300 baht, a special special for you mister deal. they came with a number of special built in design features unique to the 'trek special' model, such as gyroscopic stabilisers, anti grav boosters for those tricky moments, and a super slide feature for top special speed. Unfortunately, due to a minor technical problem they got jammed onto slide mode after about 30 seconds of walking throough the clay mud. and it appeared that the gyroscopes and anti grav boosters were faulty. This turned out to be a bit of a problem as there was no grip whatsoever on the soles. on the muddy stretches of path (about half of the path) i slid about every third step, the going made more interesting by a film of mud between my foot and the sole of the sandal. thus my feet, slipped on my sandals, tho secured as tightly as possible, and my sandal slipped on the mud. it was double trouble. it was inevitable that i was going to go for a serious tumble at some point.

But i was not the first to go. it was obvious from the start that i had selected inferior footwear, and 20 baht was bet on me being the first to topple. i would have done, but serious reliance on my bamboo stick (the only thing with some grip) prevented it. i think it was stiffy who went first, early on the second day, followed by hattie a little later. ho ho ho. However, when the time came, your dear author was propelled straight into the lead in terms of (as they say on robot wars) damage, (lack of) control, style and aggression. But that will have to be for another time, as the current allowance has come to an end.

the end.

Posted 2:35 AM by Gobbler
have been on a jungle trek in the deep and steep jungles of north western thailand, which explains the relatively long silence. and what stories there are to tell.

as advertised i splashed out 150 dollar on a flight from hanoi to chiang mai via ventianne in laos. so technically ive been to lao as well. arrived at nice place guest house 2 at about half one, booked in the trek and took in a wander around the town. pretty pretty place, a lot more chilled than the steam and pollution of bangkok. located the famous riverside bar and luncheoned there. at five there was a meeting back at nice place to meet the tour group. what a sketchy bunch of punters...

but now agghh i find myself out of mood for such tales. i had set aside this afternoon for the task - i leave for bangkok tonight and then ko tao for diving - but now it will be squandered with those sketchy punters in and around the pool. i doubt whether i'll get much written in bangkok tomorrow, so it will have to wait until ko tao. the reason for my slack disposition? despite a solid enough sleep last night, i am still quite exhausted. this past week has been a tour de force of sleep deprivation . from the dirty bus to hanoi, chucked off at five am only to cruise hanoi's cultural highlights, sleep fopur hours then live it up for three days in ha long bay with the aforementioned dlights by day and entertainment by night, to one seven and a half hour sleep fest in hanoi followed by another four hour job to get up at half five for the flight, to the group warming party at the 'red lion pub - ENGLISH MANAGEMENT' followed by late night chit chat, another glorious four and a half hours slumber, then an unsociable truck ride to the hills and a quick march through to our camp, some more living it up til the wee hours, early start for the five hour trek and the elephants and the rest, and under constrant threat of attack by doctor o, then snubbed a useful sleep to talk til five on the wrong side of midnight, hand to blunderbuss combat with doctor o, another little trek via the waterfall to the rafting, made more tiring by the fact that andrew sabotaged our raft necessitating a call for abandon ship, to the unwise call by our goup for after trek celebrations at the red lion last night. welcome darkness and a lie in came as the end, and not before time.

and now my creative narrative vein has run dry. because this computer is so slow i am unable to view the comments on my blogspot, which always provides inspiration, athankyou, and so it only remains for me to go forth from this machine to the cool waters of the pool, pack, and head back to bangkok. To be frank i am also considering making a deposit at the royal bank of chudland. Fresh out of the 'bodia, fresh out of the 'nam, and its all going so terribly quickly.

ah but now i have just been able to access my blogspot and chuckle merrily at the talkbacks. "a friend", sorry i missed you at lucky lucky (for you mister) golden jade fortune the other day. i was at that time flying from the 'nam (not to be confused with the plethora of other 'nams in existence worldwide. Totte 'Nam, West 'Nam, Birming 'Nam and the occassionally urbane 'Nam Bread to name but four) to the 'Mai via laos, flying very close to the 'Bodia with its superabundance of unexploded ordnance, where i lost a couple of legs whilst doing a top special op to rescue the president's teddy-bear who had wondered off after a picnic during the woar, the nuclear woar. I took the liberty of combining some charitable work with the special op, to save the children. but i dont like to talk about that. Doctor: And so i have faced you at last in the deep forest. you fought bravely, but splatting me witht the blunderbuss was an underhand move. Dirty. I'll get you yet. TulsaHilton: What year is this? Who's the president? Do you have any earl grey? Evil Uncle: Patience dear fellow. I will present a paper on the subject only after years of field experiments and undercover research. The case continues. Benjita: I find the parrallel amusing. (nothing to do with what you wrote but anyone other than mike who can name that film i'll be impressed). I think in the lonely planet guide 'namside there is an emergency number for calling in an napalm strike in case charlie gets too rowdy. no reported activity by doctor octagons minions Korean side.